What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

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About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

True - how I loved my mum!

Why are liberals so bad at grasping alternative facts? For example, if something doesn’t happen the exact same way Trump described it, liberals dismiss it as false; while conservatives are able to fully understand the underlying principle.

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Do you know what she said mum?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Is there a software or anything else where you could remove a certain instrument sound from a song and replace it with you playing that instrument instead while the rest of the instruments play?

What do you mean son?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

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Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

What! how could you do that?

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What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?